30 October 2005
[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Well, that's "Precious." Let's take a call.
HEY, CONGRATS!
Congrats about what?
YOUR MIX OF NEWS INTO YOUR RADIO FORMAT!
My mix of news? I don't know what you're talking about.
I WAS READING THIS ARTICLE ALL ABOUT IT. IT SAID:
"Synthetic News Radio
"by K. Emnett and C. Schmandt
"This paper describes a system that uses speech recognition and clustered text news stories to automatically find story boundaries in an audio news broadcast and provides a semantic representation that can match audio news stories of similar content. This system creates a personal, synthetic newscast by extracting stories, based on user interests, from multiple hourly newscasts and then reassembling them into a single recording at the end of the day. Interaction is via graphical and telephone-based interfaces, with newscasts delivered over a local area network or to wireless audio pagers."
SO I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEWS BROADCASTS.
Sorry, that's not us. All we have are editorial comments from the Ontario Vineyard Village Association. In fact, they want to use our mailing address.
BUT YOUR RADIO STATION IS MILES AWAY FROM THE VINEYARD AREA!
So? The Ontario Mountain Village Association is based on Vineyard Avenue. They wouldn't exactly be breaking precedent.
23 October 2005
[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
We seem to be having an equipment problem. This is a test.
[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Well, today we're interviewing a member of the Ontario Vineyard Village Association. Sir, would you care to identify yourself?
NO.
Well, OK. What is the Ontario Vineyard Village Association all about?
WELL, O, WE'RE TRYING TO GET THE HAZARDOUS WASTE POLLUTERS OUT OF OUR RESIDENTIAL AREA.
And how do you propose to do that?
WE PROPOSE TO CAUSE A STINK.
Oh, so you mean that you'll go to "every neighborhood meeting and every council meeting to speak against this insult to our homes, our neighborhood, our families, and our lifestyles"?
OH NO. NOTHING LIKE THAT. I MEAN THAT WE WILL LITERALLY CAUSE A STINK.
What do you mean?
YOU KNOW WHAT THINGS ARE LIKE WHEN THE WIND COMES FROM THE SOUTH?
Yes, that certainly causes a stink.
WELL, WE'LL JUST IMPLEMENT THAT FULL TIME UNTIL ALL OF THE HAZARDOUS COMPANIES LEAVE THE AREA.
But, even if you could achieve your strategy and halt the Santa Ana winds, diverting them so that winds come from the dairy agricultural area to the south of Fourth and Vineyard...wouldn't that inconvenience the residents?
OH, BUT WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE RESIDENTS. WE JUST WANT TO MAKE A GRANDIOSE POLITICAL STATEMENT.
Good luck, I guess...
22 October 2005
[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Would someone get me a decent set of headphones?
10 October 2005
[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Yes, I know that Devo's "Going Under" has been repeating over and over for the last 30 minutes. I'm sorry, but I stepped out of the booth to conduct a job interview. I think I've found a new traffic reporter that I want to hire.
Captain Jack Briscoe
USMC (AWOL)
Traffic Reporter
Cap'n Jack is KRUD's Helicopter Traffic Reporter. Jack flies a "missing" AH-64A attack copter armed with 30mm cannons and "Fire and Forget" Hellfire missiles for dispersing traffic tie-ups. "We don't just report the traffic, we CHANGE it!" chuckles the disturbing captain. Jack is a highly undecorated officer and veteran of the Gulf War, where he was credited with 21 confirmed kills (2 were actually enemy aircraft). Unfortunately, no told him the war is over.
Maybe I can hire some other people from this radio station. Apparently they got some guy named Hunter that works for them.
"The radio business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.
There's also a negative side."
Hunter S. Thompson
08 October 2005
[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Hi, I'm the night DJ. I know that the station manager ordered us to put Ladytron on heavy rotation, but I just gotta play Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf." Enjoy.
03 October 2005
[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Turtles? Greece? Wrestling? We'll uncover the whole story right now. Joining me on the phone is pro wrestling diva Candice Michelle.
HELLO, ONTARIO.
Candice, why couldn't you join us in the studio?
NO TIME, ONTARIO.
I assume that you're on your way to Greece right now.
WHAT?
Greece. To protest the mistreatment of the turtles. Go Turtles, as you'd say. Geddit?
NO. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Well, I just read that the WWF is rapping Greece over the tourist turtle threat. Will you and your fellow wrestlers start boycotting Greek stuff?
I'M CONFUSED.
Well, you gotta hit the Greeks in the pocketbook. Like stop inviting fraternities to wrestling events.
I'M GOING TO HANG UP NOW.
Wait - any new commercials?
