24 November 2003

[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
(dramatic music)

A KOER important exclusive

Before I play the following song, I'd like to thank all the people who have been working behind the scenes to make this possible: Eddie, Will, Lisa, Jun, Robert, Daniel, Alan, John, Paul, George, Ringo, Carrie, Christine, Carnie, Wendy, April, May, June, Peter, Paul, Andrew, Nate, David, Kevin, Gene, Wesley, and of course Fred.

Considering the origins of this song, it's even more topical when you consider the events that have taken place over the last few days.

First, a bit of history.

- - -

On a January day in 1984, Talking Heads lead singer David Byrne was walking down Broadway in Manhattan when he was approached by a group of teenagers. The teenagers were chatting with each other when they noticed Byrne. David, well-known in New York, was not surprised when the youths suddenly hushed, stared in his direction, and ran toward him. However, Byrne was surprised by what happened next.

"Excuse me," asked a girl with a green mohawk. "Are you David Byrne?"

In a friendly manner, David replied, "Yes."

"Wow," said mohawk-girl in awe. "I remember when you were in the Talking Heads."

"Yeah," murmured a boy in agreement.

"Actually, I'm still in the Talking Heads," replied Byrne. "I'm writing some songs right now."

"I remember your show," said the boy. "You guys were really cool."

With a hint of irritation, Byrne turned toward the boy. "We're still busy, working on new things."

"Yeah, but not like Michael Jackson," said mohawk-girl.

Another girl nodded. "Michael Jackson's doing some really trendy stuff. But you guys were good in your day."

"Thank you, I guess," replied David as the group walked away.

David continued to his favorite diner and ran into his good friend Laurie Anderson. Still shaking his head, he described the encounter to her in detail.

"Michael Jackson?" said Anderson in amazement. "What a hack."

"Well, that's what they said," replied Byrne as he shook his head. "I can't believe that they think he's all that creative, though."

"Jackson's been getting a free ride," said Anderson. "He hasn't had to face anyone with real creativity."

"But he does sell a lot of records," mused Byrne. "Success is hotter than creativity any day."

"Maybe," thought Anderson as she sent her vegetarian bacon back to the cook. "But what if several creative people took him on? Thriller Schmiller."

Byrne sat in thought. "We'd need some help."

- - -

Laurie Anderson and David Byrne tried their best. After three months of work, they had recorded seven songs for a planned album called My Oh My, Look How Creative We Are. However, their attempts to assemble an all-star cast proved fruitless, and the seven tracks in fact documented seven rejections from leading music industry names. Here is one of those rejections, set to music by Byrne and Anderson, entitled "Laurie Calls Peter."

BYRNE (spoken) Do you have the number?
ANDERSON (spoken) Yes. I have the number.
BYRNE (sings) Then you'd better do some dialing.
(telephone dialing)
VOICE (spoken) Bloody hell, who is this?
ANDERSON (spoken) Hello. This is Laurie.
VOICE (spoken) It's three a m.
ANDERSON (spoken) It is earlier here. We have a different time.
BYRNE (sings) Time for shouting, time for smiling.
ANDERSON (spoken) Am I speaking to Peter Gabriel?
VOICE (spoken) Not any more. (Hangs up phone.)
BYRNE (sings) He's not a morning person.
ANDERSON (spoken) I guess that you are right.
BYRNE (sings) He's not a morning person.
ANDERSON (spoken) And neither was Elton John.
BYRNE (sings) So I don't know what I will do.
ANDERSON (spoken) You don't know what you will do.
BYRNE (sings) I dont' know what I will do.
ANDERSON (spoken) But you know it will be true.
BYRNE (spoken) What?
ANDERSON (spoken) True.

This exclusive presentation of the Byrne/Anderson/Gabriel song "Laurie Calls Peter" was brought to you by KOER.

16 November 2003

[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
A KOER public service announcement, courtesy of the Megabacco Corporation.

We at Megabacco are committed to stopping underage tobacco use. Why? Because we believe that KIDS shouldn't smoke. We strongly agree with the U.S. Surgeon General that KIDS shouldn't smoke. Why? Because we believe that smoking is an informed decision that is best left to ADULTS, not KIDS. Smoking requires a certain level of MATURITY which KIDS do not have. Remember - smoking is for MATURE ADULTS only, not for YOUNG IMMATURE KIDS. Thank you.

[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Don't forget that KOER's important exclusive is coming soon!

Now a commercial message from Wal-Mart:

Wal-Mart thanks you for your support over the last month, and looks forward to serving all of you in Southern California in the very near future. Remember our heartwarming story. Wal-Mart is there for YOU.

OK, now we have two special treats for you: the "Jerry" mix of "Deeper in Debt" -

(commercial jingle) Let the competition beware! Let the competition beware! Jerry's Ford makes it clear - let the competition beware!

followed by the Michael Dukakis remix of Depeche Mode's "I Caress."

(Jon Lovitz) I can't believe I'm losing to this guy.

13 November 2003

[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Albertson's up 25 cents, Kroger unchanged, Safeway up 51 cents. But Costco is down 62 cents, Smart and Final down 22 cents, and Wal-Mart is down 2 dollars and 42 cents. You pays your money and you takes your chances.

By the way, make sure that you stay tuned to KOER for an important exclusive!

For now, we'll treat you to the Boy George quadraphonic remix of Depeche Mode's "People Are People."

10 November 2003

[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Well, that was an interesting set: "It's a Sin" by Pet Shop Boys, "Revolution #9" by the Beatles, "Agent Orange" by Ski Patrol, and the Uzbekistan mono remix of "Pleasure Little Treasure" by Depeche Mode (remix by Bobby Trendy). Hope everyone's enjoying the lack of weather. It's time for various sound effects, including that all-time classic, "Screaming Teenage Girls." (It was a popular hit on KRRC a couple of decades back.)

[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Well, we're still working on the technical problems, but you may have noticed that we were able to play all of Kraftwerk's "Autobahn" with no interruption! So, let's do it again...

09 November 2003

[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Several minutes without a major malfunction - a record! Pardon the pun. Well, we just heard the title track from Alexa's Wish's "Whatever" CD, and before that we heard the complete version of "Armsley Square" from the "Road Array" CD, and we started with "Taco Taco Taco" from Doctor Orange. Welcome to KOER Synthetica Radio, the station that plays all the hits and all the non-hits and just about everything else. Do you have trouble seeing at night? Well, turn the light on! A message from Southern California Edison. Be a Big Brother, unless you're female. Then you can be a Big Sister. If you're transgendered, you figure it out. My brain hurts. Time for the Norwegian 8-track version of the Dave Gahan song "Bitter Apple." This is KOER.

08 November 2003

[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Hope you enjoyed that song - I know I did. Just a second while I find the ad copy...here it is...vote for a proven leader! Vote for the man who brought the Olympics to Los Angeles! Vote for Peter U...wait a minute here...looks like the ad copy is a little dated. Sorry about that. Let's find something a little more recent...um...what's that smoke coming from the back room? We may be having an equipment malfunction here. If we go off the air, I'm sure we'll be back on shortly. Don't forget to put this frequency on your presets so you can hear us if...I mean when we come back. Now for this announcement from the United Food and C-

[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Radio station KOER is now on the air! Stay tuned for the best in synthetica music, courtesy of our wonderful sponsors. We don't have our website or our rate card or any fancy stuff like that, but we're working on it. Well, we sort of have a website - transcripts from this radio station are being posted at
KOER dot blogspot dot com. So put this frequency in your presets and enjoy the music! Our first song will be "Football You Bet," off of the "Digital Judge" album. Buy it today at www dot mp3 dot com slash oemperor.

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