16 December 2003

[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
(KOER is committed to expressing a wide variety of views. We therefore present Alfonso Jazeera of the Guasti Progressive newspaper.)

Alfonso Jazeera, reporting from the fascist state of Qatar. Most of you have already heard the lie, perpetrated by the imperialist United States, that the true Iraqi President Saddam Hussein has been captured. I came here to expose the lie, and was able to interview this so-called Saddam Hussein. I will play the interview now.

Excuse me sir?
What is your name?
I am Saddam Hussein, the President of Iraq.
No, no, what's your real name?
I am Saddam Hussein!
I am Alfonso Jazeera, of the Guasti Progressive newspaper, dedicated to exposing the lies of the fascist state of America.
Oh, so you hate Americans?
And therefore I have come to expose the lie that the American government and media have perpetrated on the world.
Perhaps you can help me.
For example, I know that the so-called grocery strike is actually a diversionary tactic managed by the Zionists who control both the grocery store chains and the UFCW.
Please take this envelope and guard it carefully.
And in addition, I know that Howard Dean is a craftily created CIA spy, created by the true head of the CIA, President Bush's father.
Read the contents of the envelope on Iraqi media.
All of this is part of the master fascist plan to take over the entire world, as is the plot to fake the capture of Saddam Hussein.
This is an encoded message that will reveal my location, start a major revolt, and bring me back to power. If you hate America, you will do this for me.
So if you are going to claim to be Saddam Hussein, you have to be more convincing. Tell your boss David Rockefeller...
The true government of Iraq is counting on you to deal this blow to America.
...that progressives know the true story and will ignore any puppets. Good day.
Wait! Take the envelope! You are my only hope...

Not only did I reveal my superior knowledge to this agent of the repressive regime, but I totally exposed him as a fake. I am certain that all Arabs and Palestinians will admire me. I don't know what he was waving around - it was probably some sinister propaganda. Alfonso Jazeera, from Qatar.

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