tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60544372011-12-14T18:50:38.738-08:00KOER Synthetica Radio TranscriptsTranscripts from mythical Ontario Emperor radio station.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.comBlogger981100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-90455049707403588492007-02-10T00:08:00.000-08:002007-02-09T22:48:03.983-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]The FCC got us. Go to mrontemp.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-25005271589395297562007-02-01T07:53:00.000-08:002007-02-01T08:17:18.480-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]We need to interrupt the Stephanie McIntosh song "Tightrope" to bring you this breaking story from Massachusetts. Our reporter Adam Sams is on the scene.ONTARIO, HERE IN BOSTON WE ARE FACING A MAJOR TERRORIST CRISIS!Do tell.ONTARIO, THIS MORNING WHILE ORDERING A COFFEE AT A RESTAURANT, I DISCOVERED A MYSTERIOUS YELLOW OBJECT ON THE FRONT OF THE RESTAURANT.What Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1165995083284035452006-12-12T23:30:00.000-08:002006-12-12T23:31:23.296-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]It took me a while of meandering through the back stacks, but I finally found the track I was looking for. From the Cure, A Forest.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1165505377949920832006-12-07T07:22:00.000-08:002006-12-07T07:29:37.966-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Hope you enjoyed that touch of Ronnie Reno singing that "my baby just wrote me a letter" song. Now we at KOER are not proud at all to present Gloria Allred, officially certified media hog, who wants to -What?Excuse me. Management (that's me, by the way) has requested that I make the following statement: the use of the word "hog" in the statement above was not Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1161838645170375232006-10-25T21:55:00.000-07:002006-10-25T21:57:25.180-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Time for the experimental video feed again. Here's Justin Timberlake and band in Memphis, Tennessee.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1160593460284470002006-10-11T12:02:00.000-07:002006-10-11T12:04:20.296-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]And here's Ozzy's "No More Tears." You knew this was coming.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1160548115989809052006-10-10T23:28:00.000-07:002006-10-10T23:28:36.000-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]And here's a moldy oldie.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1160423056044908862006-10-09T12:43:00.000-07:002006-10-09T12:44:16.060-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Tubeway Army just sang "You Are In My Vision".Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1159249530212448662006-09-25T22:44:00.000-07:002006-09-25T22:45:30.253-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]OK, here's the experimental television signal, which proves that I'm a sucker for pop, and that even without the explosions, "Incomplete" is a pretty good song.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1159210850768953702006-09-25T11:58:00.000-07:002006-09-25T12:00:50.780-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Sorry about that. We just played Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Over and Over, and Incomplete. Unfortunately, we played the Kidz Bop versions of these songs, not the real things.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1157656304440598132006-09-07T12:11:00.000-07:002006-09-07T12:11:44.476-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]"My Weakness" by Moby.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1156966774488806422006-08-30T12:39:00.000-07:002006-08-30T12:39:34.506-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Everloving. From Moby's Play. Again.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1156379453199162332006-08-23T17:30:00.000-07:002006-08-23T17:30:53.200-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Next caller.Whew, lucky we were on tape delay.What do you mean, you'd rather hear Rick Dees scratching his fingernails on a chalkboard?Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1156379385989486062006-08-23T16:55:00.000-07:002006-08-23T17:37:16.636-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Hope you're enjoying the Rarities show here on KOER, the place where you'll hear songs that you WON'T hear anywhere else - guaranteed. Let's look at what you've heard so far this hour.We started off with the Finnish pressing of Depeche Mode's "Enjoy the Silence," with Andrew Fletcher singing lead. Now someone has already called in and said that I actually playedOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1154112270114379122006-07-28T12:01:00.000-07:002006-08-23T17:32:10.476-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]I know it's all commercial Friday, but this is a commercial for an Ontario Empoblog discussion of this song.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1153927244650773072006-07-26T08:01:00.000-07:002006-07-26T08:20:44.676-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Welcome to KOER. I'm Ontario Emperor, and you just heard Alanis Morrissette's superdangdang ironical song thingie. Moving on, this radio station has been Cindy Margolisless until now, but that is going to change in mere seconds.Um...HELLO ONTARIO!And we welcome Cindy Margolis to the program. HI EVERYBODY! Cindy, for those who don't know you, could you give us a Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1153554145561189972006-07-22T00:41:00.000-07:002006-07-22T00:42:25.576-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Next call.YEAH. WHAT IS YOUR RADIO STATION GONNA DO WHEN THEY TEAR GUASTI DOWN AND PUT A BIG BURGER KING IN ITS PLACE?Well, I guess we'll eat well. Unless we move the radio station to Barrow. If Bean can move to Washington, we can move to Barrow.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1152819648678419362006-07-13T12:30:00.000-07:002006-07-13T12:40:48.696-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Hey, we can cover technology here also! So why don't we? In this segment we're going to talk to some different VoIP providers. From the number of companies, it's obvious that there's fierce competition in this market. Let's start with a representative from VOIP Stunt.THANK YOU, ONTARIO. YOU CAN USE OUR SERVICE TO MAKE FREE PHONE CALLS ALL AROUND THE WORLD. JUST Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1147850012429682742006-05-17T00:02:00.000-07:002006-05-17T00:13:32.446-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Lordi, Lordi, Lordi. The latest from the Suomi people - and it's going to Eurovision. Cue the fake reporter:When it comes to the Eurovision Song Contest, Finland is better known for its failures than for its successes. There is no doubt, however, that this year’s Finnish Eurovision entry will go down as one of the most engaging moments in the history of the Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1145857661175231802006-04-23T22:39:00.000-07:002006-04-23T22:47:41.203-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Sunday night's alright for fighting, I guess. You just heard Madman Across the Water (from the album of the same name), and before that you heard Sugar on the Floor (from the extended version of Rock of the Westies). Before that, of course, you heard Walking in the Rain by Flash and the Pan. Next - Radioactivity from Radioactivity.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1145695021458550522006-04-22T01:35:00.000-07:002006-04-22T01:37:01.936-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Now you'll wish it were still Friday. For some of you, commercials may be preferable.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1142628564545518652006-03-17T12:46:00.000-08:002006-03-17T12:49:24.556-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]All-commercial Fridays continues with this advertisement for Ivory Web Design Services. With offices in Chino, Ivory Web Design Services will work collaboratively with you to get your web design right. And you'll want to work with us. You'll want to cooperate with us. We'll take your original web design and shoot holes right through it. We'll take the old web Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1137805279115185292006-01-20T16:58:00.000-08:002006-01-20T17:01:19.126-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Hello, Ah'm Hillary Clinton. And ah know you're lissenin' on the radio, so you can't see that ah'm wearin' overalls and standin' in a field, but ah wanna sell you mah latest book, Plantation Life. Yeah, ah lived in the South for a real long time, so ah'm an expert on plantations. Massa Bill had a big ol' house by the river for eight years, so ah know a Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1137736465849118722006-01-19T21:53:00.000-08:002006-01-19T21:54:25.860-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Number one with a bullet, on heavy rotation - the McDonald's Middle East theme song.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1136578280087315812006-01-06T12:10:00.000-08:002006-01-06T12:11:20.100-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts](As a part of all commmercial Friday, KOER is pleased to bring you this public service announcement from a dead person. Actually, it advertises a book with limited availability at amazon.com. Take it away, George.)Hello, I'm George C. Heckman. Not Hellman, Heckman. I died some time ago, but in 1879 I was the President of Philadelphia's Presbyterian Board of Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1134938313942754082005-12-18T12:38:00.000-08:002005-12-18T12:38:36.740-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASEKOER BECOMES OFFICIAL RADIO STATION FOR NOSE IN THE AIR MEDIARadio Vastly Superior to Printed WordGUASTI, CA – December 18 2005 - To nearly universal acclaim, KOER Synthetica Radio, an ersatz radio station in Guasti, California, has proclaimed itself the official radio outlet for Nose In The Air Media, the revolutionary media outlet that hasOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1132792689927979762005-11-23T16:37:00.000-08:002005-11-23T16:38:09.936-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]So the Empoblog isn't displaying. It's loading, but not displaying. Major bummer. So let's listen to some Carpenters.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1131689740294088842005-11-10T22:15:00.000-08:002005-11-10T22:15:40.306-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Let's groove to the Sacred Feather theme song.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1130713718730996322005-10-30T15:05:00.000-08:002005-10-30T15:08:38.743-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Well, that's "Precious." Let's take a call.HEY, CONGRATS!Congrats about what?YOUR MIX OF NEWS INTO YOUR RADIO FORMAT!My mix of news? I don't know what you're talking about.I WAS READING THIS ARTICLE ALL ABOUT IT. IT SAID:"Synthetic News Radio "by K. Emnett and C. Schmandt "This paper describes a system that uses speech recognition and clustered text news Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1130129788394500882005-10-23T21:56:00.000-07:002005-10-23T21:56:28.400-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]We seem to be having an equipment problem. This is a test.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1130128572472030942005-10-23T21:36:00.000-07:002005-10-23T21:36:12.483-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Well, today we're interviewing a member of the Ontario Vineyard Village Association. Sir, would you care to identify yourself?NO.Well, OK. What is the Ontario Vineyard Village Association all about?WELL, O, WE'RE TRYING TO GET THE HAZARDOUS WASTE POLLUTERS OUT OF OUR RESIDENTIAL AREA.And how do you propose to do that?WE PROPOSE TO CAUSE A STINK.Oh, so you mean Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1130044905472379232005-10-22T22:21:00.000-07:002005-10-22T22:21:45.476-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Would someone get me a decent set of headphones?Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1128989826369834792005-10-10T17:12:00.000-07:002005-10-10T17:17:06.376-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Yes, I know that Devo's "Going Under" has been repeating over and over for the last 30 minutes. I'm sorry, but I stepped out of the booth to conduct a job interview. I think I've found a new traffic reporter that I want to hire.Captain Jack BriscoeUSMC (AWOL)Traffic ReporterCap'n Jack is KRUD's Helicopter Traffic Reporter. Jack flies a "missing" AH-64A attack Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1128759189848679142005-10-08T01:12:00.000-07:002005-10-08T01:13:09.853-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Hi, I'm the night DJ. I know that the station manager ordered us to put Ladytron on heavy rotation, but I just gotta play Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf." Enjoy.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1128407314498844802005-10-03T23:23:00.000-07:002005-10-03T23:28:34.503-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Turtles? Greece? Wrestling? We'll uncover the whole story right now. Joining me on the phone is pro wrestling diva Candice Michelle. HELLO, ONTARIO.Candice, why couldn't you join us in the studio?NO TIME, ONTARIO.I assume that you're on your way to Greece right now.WHAT?Greece. To protest the mistreatment of the turtles. Go Turtles, as you'd say. Geddit?NO. WHATOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1128127040654082572005-09-30T17:34:00.000-07:002005-09-30T17:37:20.660-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Dang. I forgot. You take it from here, Mister Sleaze.THANK YOU O. IS YOUR ONE MONTH OLD SLEEPING TWENTY HOURS A DAY? WELL, THAT'S BAD, ISN'T IT? I MEAN, YOU DON'T SLEEP TWENTY HOURS A DAY. BUT SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO TAKE THAT CAN OF JOLT COLA AND POUR IT INTO A BABY'S BOTTLE. WELL, SLEAZECO, DEDICATED TO SAVING TIME FOR SMART MOMMIES AND DADDIES, HAS TAKEN CARE Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1128115536650978882005-09-30T16:56:00.000-07:002005-09-30T16:54:19.896-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]I promise that this is not "Invasion of the Gabber Robots." But I was walking through the Montclair Target last night, and spotted Willie Nelson's 16 Biggest Hits CD. Ever since then, I can't get the song "My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys" out of my head. Here's a 30 second sample. Enjoy. And sing along:My heroes have always been cowboys.And they still are, itOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1127974420922427142005-09-28T23:13:00.000-07:002005-09-28T23:13:40.923-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Heh.That'll really increase the ad revenues, won't it?Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1127974322854078192005-09-28T23:09:00.000-07:002005-09-28T23:12:02.860-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]The Laziest Men on Mars perform "Invasion of the Gabber Robots." Again. Blame Ed, I guess.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1127971239560352562005-09-28T22:06:00.000-07:002005-09-28T22:20:39.566-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]It's about time that this esteemed ersatz radio station started doing a sports segment. If KWRM is going to cut Controversy down to one day a week or whatever, we're more than happy to fill the gap. So today I'm going to interview one of the youngest -HEY, EMPEROR BOY! GOT ANY COOKIES AROUND HERE?- one of the youngest sports heroes in the Inland Empire, Leonard Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1127435311270690312005-09-22T17:27:00.000-07:002005-09-22T17:28:31.276-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Now a word from our fake English correspondent:Rising like an electroclash phoenix from the flames of record label implosions, Ladytron have returned with the awesome 'Witching Hour'....Since popularising the electroclash movement pretty much singlehanded, Ladytron have dropped off the radar somewhat. There're two reasons for this - firstly they've been Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1126671056499373022005-09-13T21:04:00.000-07:002005-09-13T21:10:56.506-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Man, this phone won't stop ringing. I want to play Ladytron twenty times in a row, but - hello?HELLO. IS THIS KOER?Yes.WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO CHANGE TO A JACK FORMAT?A jack format?YEAH. DID YOU HEAR WHAT HAPPENED AT Z101.7?What happened?THEY'RE NOW MIKE FM.So?SO? EVERYBODY'S DOING IT. SO YOU SHOULD TOO.What? Come up with a white guy's name, fire my announcers, Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1126551834590385152005-09-12T12:03:00.000-07:002005-09-12T12:03:54.596-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Next caller?HEY, DOOD.Uh, hey.LIKE, I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE AUDIOBLOG AT THE ONTARIO EMPOBLOG.That's right.AND I SEE TODAY THAT YOU AUDIOBLOGGED TO THE ONTARIO TECHNOBLOG.That's correct. I did. SO WHEN ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT HERE?Where? HERE, IN THE KOER SYNTHETICA RADIO TRANSCRIPTS BLOG?Oh, audioblog at the blog?LIKE, YEAH.But you have to read the title of the blog Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1126075544573038792005-09-06T23:40:00.000-07:002005-09-06T23:45:44.576-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Now that I have my own real radio station at 87.1 on the FM dial, I can design my own late night programming. Hence, "The Academy" by Massive Attack, which other stations are playing.Good night.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1126062810377578832005-09-06T20:07:00.000-07:002005-09-06T20:13:30.383-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]OK, while we're playing the video for "Destroy Everything You Touch" by Ladytron, you're probably wondering why a radio station would be playing a video. Valid question. The answer: because I feel like it. So, Matt Oakley, what do you have to say about the song?'Destroy Everything You Touch' is the last mouth-watering treat to savour before Ladytron let loose Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1126035507906990352005-09-06T12:29:00.000-07:002005-09-06T12:38:27.913-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]And today we're interviewing an African religious leader via telephone. Hello to Prince Joe Eboh of the Church of the Painted Breast.HELLO ONTARIO EMPEROR.Hello Prince Joe. Could you tell me about your church?YES, THE CHURCH WAS FOUNDED BY BETSY CARRINGTON A LONG TIME AGO. AND IT HAS BLESSED ME. I AM NOW MANAGING THE EXCESS REVENUE OF THE NIGER DELTA DEVELOPMENTOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1124686207584883142005-08-21T21:49:00.000-07:002005-08-21T21:50:07.590-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]For the record, I wish to categorically deny rumors that I went back east solely to found a WOER radio station in Illinois or Wisconsin.Although COER in Ottawa has a nice ring to it.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1121110170203422502005-07-11T12:28:00.000-07:002005-07-11T12:29:30.206-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]OK, let's take some calls. What? Uh. No, KOER has not hired Danny Bonaduce and Doug Krikorian to be midday deejays. Where did you get that idea?Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1120370612819756412005-07-02T23:03:00.000-07:002005-07-02T23:03:32.823-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]OK, let's listen to the Tequila Hoppers song. Nice.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1120246398516283022005-07-01T12:29:00.000-07:002005-07-01T12:33:18.520-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Hello, I'm Sandra Day O'Connor. I used to be on the Supreme Court.You may be wondering why I left such a wonderful job.Well, here's the answer - I want to become a worker at the new currywurst museum!Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1119911996419308862005-06-27T15:35:00.000-07:002005-06-27T15:39:56.423-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Monday Madness - a most enjoyable set.Hank Williams Cold Cold Heart Willie Nelson This Cold War With You New Philharmonia Orchestra Peer Gynt: Suite No. 1, Op. 46: II. Ases Death (Andante Doloroso) The Dining Rooms Astro Black DJ Gius I Need Your Loving (UFO Alarm Mix) - Marc Et Claude Elvis Costello Good Year For The Roses DJ Tiesto Mindcircus (Gabriel & Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1119765497192866512005-06-25T22:57:00.000-07:002005-06-25T22:58:17.200-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]So since it's June 25, it's time for Wesley Willis to sing Merry Christmas.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1119764294031013572005-06-25T22:37:00.000-07:002005-06-25T22:38:14.036-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Now it's time to play Hey Demon. Wait until KOER gets its TV license.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1118035707098264612005-06-05T22:24:00.000-07:002005-06-05T22:28:27.103-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Radio killed the video star. But we're going to play the following songs anyway:Mister Roboto.Dancing Queen.And, of course, Barbie Girl.Lainie and I are tracking the Contagious Media Showdown Awards. Some interesting stuff out there.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1117863362323940772005-06-03T22:34:00.000-07:002005-06-03T22:36:02.443-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Hello, this is the late Sid Vicious, and I'd like to talk to you about throat cancer. In keeping with my image as a dead wasted bloke, I'd like to say that I'm all for it. So I will. And tell Lydon to quit posing for Viacom.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1117239504248539522005-05-27T17:18:00.000-07:002005-05-27T17:18:24.253-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]KOER Synthetica のラジオ87.1 のメガヘルツ1 帝国方法# 2525 Guasti 、カリフォルニア91743 米国http://koer.blogspot.com/ こんにちは私達の日本の傾聴者に!Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1117174241589899062005-05-26T23:06:00.000-07:002005-05-26T23:10:41.593-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Martians and earthlings, perhaps it's time to play a little bit of country music for all those Amish fighter pilots who are listening to the radio tonight. Perhaps you want to hear a little bit of the Clash, or perhaps you just want to listen to my favorite Ladytron/Beach Boys mix? Or perhaps you want something more eclectic. Well, forget it. I'm playing some Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1116829778373004852005-05-22T23:27:00.000-07:002005-05-22T23:32:34.896-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Time for our thirty seconds over Guasti fun. Sponsored by Best Buy.Song 1 (source) (reference)Song 2 (source) (reference)Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1116308609606965752005-05-16T22:24:00.000-07:002005-05-16T22:43:29.613-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Well, this has been a very long set. So far:ATB, Don't Stop: Niceness and all.Devo, Freedom Of Choice: I guess they studied the classics at Kent State. Client, Rock And Roll Machine: Northerners yearn for freedom. The Sex Pistols, Substitute: Not one of their best. Merle Haggard, The Bottle Let Me Down: Hope you liked it. More where that came from. Eiffel 65, Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1115960058770359452005-05-12T21:53:00.000-07:002005-05-12T21:54:18.773-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]William Hung. "Rocket Man." Priceless.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1115927870074985342005-05-12T12:46:00.000-07:002005-05-12T12:57:50.096-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Well, that was a danged long set. You just heard:Billy Idol, "Pumping On Steel."Smothers Brothers, "She's Gone Forever."Neil Diamond, "Sweet Caroline."Ontario Emperor, "Non Sequitur 15."Human League, "I Love You Too Much."Beach Boys, "Til I Die."Before that, two from Kraftwerk: "Computer World" and "Pocket Calculator."We tolerated Peter Gabriel's "Digging in theOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1114197909275822322005-04-22T12:21:00.000-07:002005-04-22T12:25:09.276-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Hello, I'm Pat O'Brien. Sometimes even jetsetters such as myself can stay at the same place for a long time. How do we occupy ourselves?Well, when I checked in to this hotel, I made sure to bring the Clapper with me. It's really fun! I can spend entire evenings clapping on and clapping off, flashing my lights and disturbing my neighbors. Betcha Britney Spears Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1114197683940596032005-04-22T12:17:00.000-07:002005-04-22T12:21:23.940-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Hey, kids, what'cha doing?Selling lemonade, lady, but nobody's buying.You need a web presence, with GoDaddy!What's a web presents?You register a domain name with GoDaddy - even a child can afford our rates!What's a mane name?Godaddy lets bikers, paparazzi, or just about anyone add Internet services to their marketing mix!You're funny, lady. But my older brother Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1114197401187880292005-04-22T12:08:00.000-07:002005-04-22T12:16:41.190-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Hey! This is Krystal Fernandez! Did you buy the Fan Jams CD with my picture on it?Well, check out the new Fan Jams II CD - for when the fans get REALLY rowdy!(sound clip) We've got the biggest balls of them all!This CD isn't for BEFORE the game - it's for AFTER the game!(sound clip) Dude looks like a lady!When you're too drunk to care!(sound clip) Beat it...beatOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1114182142723840132005-04-22T07:58:00.000-07:002005-04-22T08:02:22.723-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts](A special message from Simon Le Bon to the fans of Duran Duran.)Hello, I'm Simon LeBon. I don't wear as much makeup as I used to, but I still remember the good old days fondly. That's why I want to tell you about O Centro Espirita Beneficiente Uniao do Vegetal and the threat that they pose to my art.And to my wallet.Perhaps you've heard of this group. Did you Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1114181851405888492005-04-22T07:55:00.000-07:002005-04-22T07:57:31.406-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts](Now here's Maureen Dowd for Jello pudding.)For? I'm against Jello pudding, the symbol of a colonialist sexist racist hidebound fascist society. Did the people who make Jello provide unequivocal support for John Kerry? No! Forget this "for" stuff.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1114159249618003972005-04-22T01:39:00.000-07:002005-04-22T01:40:49.620-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Dehumanisation is such a big word. Stay human and trash your dictionary. A message from the Christadelphian Grocers of Guasti.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1114159129760273202005-04-22T01:37:00.000-07:002005-04-22T01:38:49.760-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]For all British citizens living in Guasti, California."Tony" and "Tory " are almost the same word.This exericse in democratic grammaticism brought to you by the Liberal Democrats.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1114139494365011602005-04-21T20:11:00.000-07:002005-04-21T20:11:34.366-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]To be posted on the following weblogs:http://koer.blogspot.com/http://oemperor.blogspot.com/http://otco909.blogspot.com/FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASEKOER SYNTHETICA RADIO INTRODUCES "ALL COMMERCIAL FRIDAYS"Unique Format Promises Immediate Improvement Over Current ProgrammingGUASTI, CA - April 21 2005 - In an unprecedented move in the radio industry, KOER Synthetica Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1113034193665792762005-04-09T00:45:00.000-07:002005-04-09T01:11:56.330-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Well, that was an interesting set. We just heard "The Guns of Brixton" by the Clash, U2's "Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me," that old song "The L&N Don't Stop Here Anymore" by the late Johnny Cash, and "Fire" by the Ohio Players. But we've just had a visitor drop into the studio - Allen David of Inland Valley Food. Allen, I understand that you're trying to Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1109454976671795502005-02-26T13:54:00.000-08:002005-02-26T13:56:16.670-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Hope you are enjoying the Magical Trevor 2 song.Oops, we seem to have lost a sponsor. A vegetable sponsor.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1109034930981084812005-02-21T17:13:00.000-08:002005-02-21T17:15:30.983-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]Hope you enjoyed that last set. We just heard "Get Back" by Ludacris - no this wasn't the song that Paul McCartney played during the Super Bowl halftime show. After that we heard Bobbie Gentry's "Ode to Billie Joe," and we finished with Billy Idol's remake of "Endless Sleep." That set was brought to you by Los Angeles Gas Prices dot com. Ready for some disco?Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1108604059761697912005-02-16T17:09:00.000-08:002005-02-16T17:34:19.766-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]MODERATOR: I hope that you enjoyed our Public Image Limited marathon. But now we want to discuss the recent shooting up in Gresham, Oregon. While this shooting has some parallels to another recent case, the case in Gresham has some interesting twists which I made up for the purposes of this blog post. Because two-person left-right "debates" are so meaningless, IOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1107460705429259192005-02-03T11:58:00.000-08:002005-02-03T11:58:25.430-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
OK, so we just played a lot of songs. Now it gives me extreme and serious pleasure to introduce my following guest, Brian Wilson.
Hello, O.
Brian, I guess it's no secret that I've wanted to have you on the show for a long time.
Well, I'm happy to be here. Guasti is very important to Rupert, and we delight in giving the Guasti viewers a fair and balanced Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1101549835866164212004-11-27T02:03:00.000-08:002004-11-27T02:03:55.866-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
I apologize again for the regularly unscheduled technical difficulties. Now let's try to again bring you that sermonette from the
Reverend Sharon Stone:
Look at the ear of the persons next to you. Now breathe each other's air.
(silence)
Thank you, Reverend Stone.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1101549698725486002004-11-27T02:01:00.000-08:002004-11-27T02:01:38.726-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Dave Gahan holds on, Brian Eno gets in a big ship, and more music ensues. Enjoy.
Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1096602360168688672004-09-30T20:30:00.000-07:002004-09-30T20:46:00.170-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Well, that was some debate tonight between Kerry and Bush, and one thing caught my ear when Kerry said:
I know I can do a better job in Iraq. I have a plan to have a summit with all of the allies, something this president has not yet achieved, not yet been able to do to bring people to the table.
Intriguing idea, and I'd like to hear what you think of it. TheOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1094272629271779382004-09-03T21:34:00.000-07:002004-09-03T21:37:09.273-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
KOER would like to apologize for not airing any hard-hitting interviews recently. We tried to get an exclusive interview with Hurricane France, but Dave in Arlington, Virginia locked that one up.
WELL, YOU CAN INTERVIEW ME.
Why, Mr. Clark?
BECUASE I'M A GENERAL.
So I've heard. What the heck is a Swift Boat, anyway?
WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY SWIFT BOATS IN KOSOVO.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1092236795451487052004-08-11T07:54:00.000-07:002004-08-11T08:06:35.450-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Now joining us on the phone from New York City, here's Mike Wallace.
Who are you?
This is KOER. Your publicist agreed to this interview.
All right then.
Well, Mike, our listeners are waking up this morning to reports that you were arrested on Tuesday night.
Someone claiming to be a police officer purported to arrest me, yes.
The reports state that you Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1091885149528680002004-08-07T06:21:00.000-07:002004-08-07T06:26:35.220-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
OK, we're going to be playing "Party All The Time" and "U Can't Touch This" over and over again for a while....Why? Because I can!Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1086809577563559162004-06-09T12:32:00.000-07:002004-06-09T12:32:57.563-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
All Your Base Are Belong To UsOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1082491553907487422004-04-20T13:05:00.000-07:002004-04-20T13:11:23.513-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Well, Ludo Cremers from Brown & Williamson is here, and frankly I'm surprised.
Just keeping it real, OE.
You're best known for your vocal sponsorship of deejay competitions, but you've come here to talk about the Client album.
Yes, OE, and I want to emphasize that we're all into multicultural, not just a single culture, despite what our detractors might sayOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1081277997575409692004-04-06T11:59:00.000-07:002004-04-06T12:03:43.496-07:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
And now another in our series of interviews - today we present the
Seldom Scene.
Hello.
Now, according to your website you are Sugar Hill Records recording artists.
That's correct. We've released...um, what is it...nine albums with Sugar Hill Records. We've been very happy with them.
Well, I have some questions about your association with Sugar Hill Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1080936961333232632004-04-02T12:16:00.000-08:002004-04-02T12:19:41.606-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Here is Mr. Phil Collins. Welcome to KOER, Phil.
Thank you.
So what are you here to plug?
My website. philcollins dot co dot uk is a fascinating place with tons of information.
Such as?
The calendar entry "Got Job with Genesis" on August 4, 1970. Catchy, innit?
Uh, yeah.
And how about this fascinating tidbit? "In 1980 he played drums on Peter Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1077239632508420772004-02-19T17:13:00.000-08:002004-02-19T17:16:34.076-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
OK, we're taking your requests. Who is this?
Am I on the air?
Yes.
Cool.
Do you have a request?
Yeah, could you replay the end of the Super Bowl halftime show?
Yeah, that was cool!
Um...which song?
Uh...song?
Yes, song.
No, just show the part where the guy rips off her blouse.
Yeah, that was cool!
Um...you guys know you're calling a radio show, Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1076475047976983352004-02-10T20:50:00.000-08:002004-02-10T20:53:16.826-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
...and I guess you could say that Steve Burd is cooked! Ha ha ha! Well, that's another edition of Bad Union Humor. Now I'd like to introduce my guests, General Wesley "General" Clark, and Ima Publicityhound from
Pointless Gorilla Marketing.
[WESLEY] I'm a general!
And I'm a fish. The first issue I want to address is the Southern California grocery strike.
[Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1073974843164453292004-01-12T22:20:00.000-08:002004-01-12T22:21:04.270-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Hope you enjoyed "Night Sky Flight 2" by Eddykins; we'll play 1 and 3 as soon as we get them. Now it's time for our Battle of the Bands, which is pretty pointless other than we jam up the phone lines for meaningless drivel. Tonight, we're pitting "Cattle Call" by Slim Whitman against "Radar Love" by Golden Earring. Who's on the line?
Bill!
So what do you Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1073624082881452252004-01-08T20:54:00.000-08:002004-01-08T20:55:02.463-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
OK, listeners. We've just heard a bunch, including "Black and Blue" by Dave Gahan, "Video Killed the Radio Star" by the Buggles, "It's My Life" by Talk Talk, "Talk Talk" by Talk Talk, "Mind" by Talking Heads, and the rare Finnish-only cover of "Classical Gas" by Jimi Hendrix. Before we launch into our Tom Jones tribute, I want to take this call from Dan Snyder.Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1071606931586277012003-12-16T12:35:00.000-08:002003-12-16T12:35:45.250-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
(KOER is committed to expressing a wide variety of views. We therefore present Alfonso Jazeera of the Guasti Progressive newspaper.)
Alfonso Jazeera, reporting from the fascist state of Qatar. Most of you have already heard the lie, perpetrated by the imperialist United States, that the true Iraqi President Saddam Hussein has been captured. I came here to Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1069739478084121452003-11-24T21:51:00.000-08:002003-11-24T21:51:26.670-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
(dramatic music)
A KOER important exclusive
Before I play the following song, I'd like to thank all the people who have been working behind the scenes to make this possible: Eddie, Will, Lisa, Jun, Robert, Daniel, Alan, John, Paul, George, Ringo, Carrie, Christine, Carnie, Wendy, April, May, June, Peter, Paul, Andrew, Nate, David, Kevin, Gene, Wesley, and of Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1069041667420632402003-11-16T20:01:00.000-08:002003-11-16T20:01:13.806-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
A KOER public service announcement, courtesy of the Megabacco Corporation.
We at Megabacco are committed to stopping underage tobacco use. Why? Because we believe that KIDS shouldn't smoke. We strongly agree with the U.S. Surgeon General that KIDS shouldn't smoke. Why? Because we believe that smoking is an informed decision that is best left to ADULTS, not Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1069013895203065952003-11-16T12:18:00.000-08:002003-11-16T12:18:21.256-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Don't forget that KOER's important exclusive is coming soon!
Now a commercial message from Wal-Mart:
Wal-Mart thanks you for your support over the last month, and looks forward to serving all of you in Southern California in the very near future. Remember our heartwarming story. Wal-Mart is there for YOU.
OK, now we have two special treats for you: the "Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1068753417070187122003-11-13T11:56:00.000-08:002003-11-13T11:57:01.853-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Albertson's up 25 cents, Kroger unchanged, Safeway up 51 cents. But Costco is down 62 cents, Smart and Final down 22 cents, and Wal-Mart is down 2 dollars and 42 cents. You pays your money and you takes your chances.
By the way, make sure that you stay tuned to KOER for an important exclusive!
For now, we'll treat you to the Boy George quadraphonic remix of Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1068514035623836182003-11-10T17:27:00.000-08:002003-11-10T17:27:20.136-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Well, that was an interesting set: "It's a Sin" by Pet Shop Boys, "Revolution #9" by the Beatles, "Agent Orange" by Ski Patrol, and the Uzbekistan mono remix of "Pleasure Little Treasure" by Depeche Mode (remix by Bobby Trendy). Hope everyone's enjoying the lack of weather. It's time for various sound effects, including that all-time classic, "Screaming TeenageOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1068495092870821042003-11-10T12:11:00.000-08:002003-11-10T12:11:56.083-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Well, we're still working on the technical problems, but you may have noticed that we were able to play all of Kraftwerk's "Autobahn" with no interruption! So, let's do it again...
Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1068370127851206302003-11-09T01:28:00.000-08:002003-11-09T01:28:51.916-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Several minutes without a major malfunction - a record! Pardon the pun. Well, we just heard the title track from Alexa's Wish's "Whatever" CD, and before that we heard the complete version of "Armsley Square" from the "Road Array" CD, and we started with "Taco Taco Taco" from Doctor Orange. Welcome to KOER Synthetica Radio, the station that plays all the hits Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1068363108950314822003-11-08T23:31:00.000-08:002003-11-08T23:31:52.943-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Hope you enjoyed that song - I know I did. Just a second while I find the ad copy...here it is...vote for a proven leader! Vote for the man who brought the Olympics to Los Angeles! Vote for Peter U...wait a minute here...looks like the ad copy is a little dated. Sorry about that. Let's find something a little more recent...um...what's that smoke coming from theOntario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6054437.post-1068362631079211782003-11-08T23:23:00.000-08:002003-11-08T23:32:11.430-08:00[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
Radio station KOER is now on the air! Stay tuned for the best in synthetica music, courtesy of our wonderful sponsors. We don't have our website or our rate card or any fancy stuff like that, but we're working on it. Well, we sort of have a website - transcripts from this radio station are being posted at
KOER dot blogspot dot com. So put this frequency in Ontario Emperornoreply@blogger.com0