10 February 2007
01 February 2007
[KOER Synthetica Radio Transcripts]
We need to interrupt the Stephanie McIntosh song "Tightrope" to bring you this breaking story from Massachusetts. Our reporter Adam Sams is on the scene.
ONTARIO, HERE IN BOSTON WE ARE FACING A MAJOR TERRORIST CRISIS!
Do tell.
ONTARIO, THIS MORNING WHILE ORDERING A COFFEE AT A RESTAURANT, I DISCOVERED A MYSTERIOUS YELLOW OBJECT ON THE FRONT OF THE RESTAURANT.
What is it?
THAT'S THE THING, ONTARIO. I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. IT APPEARS TO BE BUZZING, AND IT'S GLOWING A BRIGHT YELLOW, BUT IT'S UNINTELLIGIBLE.
Unintelligible?
YES, ONTARIO. IT SEEMS TO BE SOME SECRET CODED SYMBOL.
How do you know it's a terrorist object?
I JUST KNOW....WAIT A MINUTE, ONTARIO.
Yes?
OUR FELLOW CORRESPONDENT, ADAM JOHNS, IS DESCRIBING A SIMILAR OBJECT NEAR ANOTHER RESTAURANT.
You're sure it's the same thing?
YES, IT'S A YELLOW OBJECT, LINEAR BUT CURVED, AND GLOWING AND BUZZING.
And Adam Johns sees this object outside of another restaurant?
YES, ONTARIO. IT APPEARS THAT THE TERRORISTS ARE TARGETING RESTAURANTS. AMERICANS ARE KNOWN TO EAT OUT A LOT, SO THE TERRORISTS PROBABLY BELIEVE THAT TARGETING SUCH ESTABLISHMENTS WILL WREAK HAVOC.
How is the city responding to these incidents?
THE NATIONAL GUARD HAS BEEN MOBILIZED, AND...WAIT, ONTARIO...ADAM JOHNS IS TELLING ME THAT HIS BROTHER, HANCOCK JOHNS, HAS SPOTTED A THIRD TERRORIST OBJECT OUTSIDE ANOTHER RESTAURANT.
For the benefit of our radio audience, please describe these objects again, Adam.
OKAY, ONTARIO....JUST A MOMENT, THE STATE POLICE ARE CORDONING OFF THE AREA, SO I HAVE TO MOVE. AS I MENTIONED, THESE OBJECTS ARE OUTSIDE OF THESE RESTAURANTS, ARE YELLOW IN COLOR, AND HAVE A DISTINCT CURVATURE.
Uh, wait a minute...a question for you, Adam Johns.
YES, ONTARIO?
How many curves are in these objects?
TWO DISTINCT CURVES, ONTARIO. I BELIEVE THAT THIS IS A HIROSHIMA-NAGASAKI REFERENCE, STATING THAT TWO TERRORIST INCIDENTS WILL OCCUR, ONE AFTER THE OTHER.
Two curves, Adam?
YES. THE STATE POL-
Adam, how would you describe the color of the object?
THE OBJECTS ARE YELLOW IN COLOR. PERHAPS IT'S AN ARABIC SYMBOL.
Does the symbol sort of look like the letter M?
THE LETTER N?
No, M as in...Mary.
SORT OF, EXCEPT IT'S REALLY CURVED.
Are the curves arch-like in shape?
YES THEY ARE, ONTARIO. AS YOU KNOW, THE ARABIC WRITTEN LANG-
So, Adam, we're dealing with something that looks like an M, but arched, and the color of the object is yellow...or golden.
I GUESS YOU COULD SAY THEY'RE GOLDEN, ONTARIO. THIS PROBABLY INDICATES ANOTHER ATTACK ON WALL STREET-
And these symbols are only found on restaurants?
YES, ONTARIO.
I'm lovin' it, Adam. Adam, I need you to go into the restaurant and do something.
TECHNICALLY I CAN'T BECAUSE THE STATE POLICE HAVE CORDONED OFF THE AREA, AND EDWARD DAVIS OF THE BOSTON POLICE IS ALSO HERE, BUT IF IT WILL WIN ME JOURNALISTIC FAME, I'LL DO IT, ONTARIO. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
Super size me. And get me a Turner - I mean a turnover.
